My mind works like a broken record, sinking into a groove and spinning on it incessantly until it cracks open in revelation and stills. For a lot of 2012, that groove was family: Nic and I broke up while Andy was deported for eight months, and when she got back I realized I didn’t recognize [...]
Poly people seem to have a lot more to say about what we let our partners do than what we let our partners tell us. Aside from a mention of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” open relationship model and the obvious exhortation to be honest, the how of communicating about one partner to another isn’t [...]
I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that this is a recent realization.
Consent is a constant process, not only while having sex, but also while having relationships. Just as one’s consent during sex adapts to accommodate our current realities, so must our poly. I am not a big believer in “rules poly”; reading some examples [...]
(noun): A date scheduled with one polyamorous partner for the primary purpose of another partner’s convenience.
Though there are probably other circumstances that are Accommodates, the most common type in our polygon is a feature of our configuration, in which some partners live together and others don’t. One partner requests that her roommate-partner make a [...]
Poly communities, like all oppressed communities, tend to pretend everything is at worst all right and at best fucking awesome. This is a defense mechanism, but it also means people within poly communities may not have the support they need to get through those things that are difficult and shitty about their situations. Also, this is a rant about what I’m annoyed about in my own poly.
Yoga advocates non-attachment, even to love, and my instructor reminded me of this in teacher training this morning. This is compatible with feminist and poly ideals of self-possession and independence, and it was a timely connection given some recent rockiness in our polygon.
Justifying open relationships/poly by saying that sex can be meaningless sucks because it implies that successful, stable nonmonogamy must be based on a closed, primary relationship and that it is unsafe, unnatural, or dangerous to seek anything but sex from other partners. The idea of “meaningless sex” also hardcore devalues sex, which is essential to living in and experiencing our bodies, and always means something (even when it’s bad sex).
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