Lineage

By On 17/01/2013 · Leave a Comment · In poly, relationships

My mind works like a broken record, sinking into a groove and spinning on it incessantly until it cracks open in revelation and stills. For a lot of 2012, that groove was family: Nic and I broke up while Andy was deported for eight months, and when she got back I realized I didn’t recognize [...]

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The Need to Know

By On 04/12/2012 · 6 Comments · In poly, relationships

Poly people seem to have a lot more to say about what we let our partners do than what we let our partners tell us. Aside from a mention of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” open relationship model and the obvious exhortation to be honest, the how of communicating about one partner to another isn’t [...]

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Off the Mat: Let it Be Easy

By On 07/09/2012 · Leave a Comment · In mental health, relationships

(The idea that one’s yoga practice keeps happening, keeps being relevant, keeps affecting one’s body and emotions, even once they step off their mat can be heard in studios near and far. In my experience, it’s often true. Off the Mat posts are where I talk about it.)

There is a moment in a headstand [...]

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There Is No Blanket Consent in Poly

By On 03/05/2012 · Leave a Comment · In commentary, mental health, poly, relationships

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that this is a recent realization.

Consent is a constant process, not only while having sex, but also while having relationships. Just as one’s consent during sex adapts to accommodate our current realities, so must our poly. I am not a big believer in “rules poly”; reading some examples [...]

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Quick Definition: Accommodate

By On 21/11/2011 · 1 Comment · In poly

(noun): A date scheduled with one polyamorous partner for the primary purpose of another partner’s convenience.

Though there are probably other circumstances that are Accommodates, the most common type in our polygon is a feature of our configuration, in which some partners live together and others don’t. One partner requests that her roommate-partner make a [...]

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Off the Mat: Dispelling Fear

By On 04/03/2011 · 6 Comments · In relationships

(The idea that one’s yoga practice keeps happening, keeps being relevant, keeps affecting one’s body and emotions, even once they step off their mat can be heard in studios near and far. In my experience, it’s often true. Off the Mat posts are where I talk about it.)

I’ve been absolutely disgusted with my yoga [...]

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Pet Poly Peeves: A Rant

By On 19/01/2011 · 8 Comments · In poly

Poly communities, like all oppressed communities, tend to pretend everything is at worst all right and at best fucking awesome. This is a defense mechanism, but it also means people within poly communities may not have the support they need to get through those things that are difficult and shitty about their situations. Also, this is a rant about what I’m annoyed about in my own poly.

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Poly, Family, and Andy

By On 02/01/2011 · Leave a Comment · In poly

Andy and I broke up, but I think we’ll be able to stay friends as well as family, in that particular way that poly allows for.

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Off the Mat: Non-Attachment

By On 04/12/2010 · 2 Comments · In poly, relationships

Yoga advocates non-attachment, even to love, and my instructor reminded me of this in teacher training this morning. This is compatible with feminist and poly ideals of self-possession and independence, and it was a timely connection given some recent rockiness in our polygon.

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Quick Definition: Open vs Poly

By On 14/11/2010 · 1 Comment · In poly

Open isn’t the same as polyamorous. Open is an open door that then closes behind the new person as they leave; poly includes the possibility of closing the door and keeping the new person inside.

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